Why HR Is Not Your Friend? Behind Closed Doors

There’s a common saying in the workforce that “HR (Human Resources) is not your friend.” However, what does that mean exactly?

Isn’t the role of HR to protect you, the employee, from unfair management practices? If you are being harassed, for example, aren’t they supposed to help you out, and aren’t they supposed to ensure you get all the benefits your employer owes you as required by law?

The truth is that HR doesn’t exist to protect you – it exists to protect the company. This is an important point and one that most people tend to forget.

This article will explain why HR is not your friend and how to deal with HR effectively.

The short version: HR’s primary concern is ensuring the company is legally compliant and won’t face any legal issues. HR will almost always side with the company and protect the firm’s best interests over yours.

Let’s learn more about it.

HR’s Primary Role

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HR’s primary role is not to protect you – it’s to protect the company. It’s to ensure that the company doesn’t fall into any legal trouble due to not complying with the relevant labor laws and other requirements pertaining to employee rights.

At the end of the day, HR is there to serve the interests of the company first. Yes, when there are conflicts between employees, HR can step in and resolve them.

The same applies when managers or higher-ups harass employees. The company can get into deep legal trouble from lawsuits, so it’s in its best interest to have HR take appropriate measures to avoid legal repercussions.

Still, it’s the company that HR is serving, not you.

Similarly, HR will ensure you get your required paycheck and benefits. Again, not getting paid can lead to complaints with the labor board, which is certainly not in the best interest of the company.

Remember who hires HR, though, and who pays its bills. It’s the company, not you, and it’s the company that gave the HR staff their jobs.

Almost always, when it comes down to it, HR will side with the company’s interests over yours. They will find a legal, quiet, and stress-free way to get rid of you if necessary.

That’s why you have to be careful when dealing with HR. HR is not your friend, and they won’t hesitate to fire you if it’s deemed to be in the best interest of the firm.

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The problem is that many workers see HR staff as “representatives of the employees.” They are not; they are representatives of the company, serving as a bridge between the company and the employees.

Then there is another issue. A lot of people who end up in HR are just not nice people.

They enjoy the little power being on the HR team gives them, and they hold it over your head as if they control your life. They won’t hesitate to chew you out, make you feel like you are walking on eggshells, and sabotage your position at the company.

Finally, a lot of HR people are just ineffective at their jobs. They don’t know how to properly resolve situations and spin into damage control mode when conflicts arise, trying to protect the company legally and financially at all costs.

Confidentiality Concerns

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People who blindly trust HR, thinking that HR will be on their side as an employee, often tend to disclose too much information to HR.

Unfortunately, sharing sensitive information with HR can lead to unintended consequences. Think of HR as the police.

Sure, the police can help you in tricky situations, but they can also turn on you if they start seeing you as a suspect or think you might have done something illegal in the situation.

Sometimes, it’s best to share less information with the police, especially in cases such as car accidents, in which the police may start putting you at fault. That’s why you should always speak with your lawyer and get their advice before speaking with the cops.

The same goes for HR, but you should perhaps be even more careful, because HR is free to do a lot of things that the police can’t.

The police can’t arrest you without evidence, but your company can fire you at will.

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Let me give you some examples of situations in which people complained to HR, only for it to backfire on them completely.

• A Redditor with the username SmilingDiamond managed to get an independent external HR investigator to come in and investigate their claims of bullying and harassment, after trying to resolve the issue informally many times. Guess what? Not only did nothing come out of the investigation, but they were laid off soon after.
• This poster on Reddit complained about their supervisor to HR, thinking it was confidential. HR conferenced with the supervisor about the issue. You should expect that, though; they’re trying to figure out a way to get off scot-free.
• According to this user, when several women complained about sexual harassment from a particular manager, the manager was moved to a different department and promoted in the process. Again, HR did this to avoid further complaints and protect the company legally. This was at a major software company.
• In one story (#2 on this list), an employee reported to HR that management was shorting their paychecks. Of course, they had to address the issue, but they also tried to frame the reporting employee for work avoidance by disabling their login access and then firing them a few months later, refusing to pay their unemployment compensation. The employee ended up winning the unemployment case.

While these are just a few examples from Reddit, there are many more situations that never get reported or published anywhere.

The most important thing to remember here is that HR will not always be on your side when you report an issue. They may use any information you disclose against you.

Not only that, but HR may try to frame you or fire you for no reason, just because you complained. Perhaps they will identify you as a troublesome employee, and while there are laws that prevent such retaliatory practices, many companies still engage in them.

So, what should you do if you have a conflict or issue at work and want to achieve a resolution?

Navigating Workplace Conflicts

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A lot of people, when hearing that you face a workplace conflict, will default back to the same thing: report it to HR.

Knowing that HR isn’t your friend means that it’s imperative to come up with other conflict resolution methods that don’t rely solely on reporting issues to HR and expecting them to take care of everything.

The first step is understanding what HR is there for. HR is not your ally, but that doesn’t mean they can’t help you out when necessary.

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When it comes to things like benefits and policy issues, you should feel free to ask HR for help. For example, if you’re not getting the pay or benefits you are owed, you should definitely bring it up with HR first before pursuing other means.

Still, when it comes to dealing with HR, there are some very important things that you must keep in mind.

The first is that, if you do have to complain to HR, you should always gather evidence. HR might sometimes drag its feet and not take appropriate action when necessary, even when another coworker has wronged you.

However, if you gather evidence of the other employee’s wrongdoing, HR might be forced to take action. Otherwise, they are clearly not doing their job, and it will start to reflect poorly on them.

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There are many ways to gather evidence. Emails, documents, videos, pictures, and even call recordings or screenshots of text messages can work.

Just make sure you are complying with the law. In some states, it is illegal to record your calls with someone unless you get consent from them first.

However, another thing to consider is whether dealing with HR is actually necessary. Many minor conflicts can be resolved with the other person quite easily.

If you have good social and conflict resolution skills, you might not need to escalate things to HR.

Here are some tips for resolving conflicts with coworkers without escalating things to HR at every opportunity.

Establish a Calm Baseline and Don’t Escalate

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Conflicts usually escalate for no good reason. People allow their egos to get ahead of them and refuse to cede ground.

Establish a calm baseline and remain there. Often, when you remain calm, the other person will calm down as well.

Even if they try to escalate things, don’t let them. Remain true to your goal – to resolve the conflict without letting things escalate.

Try to Understand Their Point of View

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I mentioned that ego is often one of the leading causes of escalated conflicts. People, due to their egos, refuse to put themselves in the other person’s shoes or at least consider where they are coming from.

Remember that conflicts typically arise from different expectations. Two people going into the same situation may have wildly different expectations of what each one should do.

For example, you might think that arriving five minutes late to a staff meeting is no big deal or that waiting until the next morning to forward an email to your coworker isn’t a big problem. For your coworker, however, that might be a grave sin that prevents them from meeting their own deadlines.

Your expectations are shaped not only by your personal opinions and your overall outlook on life (and work-life balance) but also by your previous job experiences.

So, do try to understand where they might be coming from. Even if you conclude that you weren’t wrong, understand why they might be upset.

Often, that is all it takes. People want to feel like their grievances are understood and that they are not crazy for feeling upset about something.

Once you acknowledge their pain, many people will simply become more mellow.

Work Towards Middle Ground

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Once you have relieved the tension between you two by trying to understand each other, you can start working towards a conflict resolution.

If you were entirely in the wrong, you can give up your position entirely. However, in most cases, you probably aren’t entirely in the wrong, so try working towards a middle ground.

Building Professional Relationships

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When dealing with HR, it’s important to maintain a professional working relationship.

One of the things that cause problems with HR is that some people may be too close to them. Someone in HR who is your close friend might side with you over someone else.

While that might benefit you in the short run, it goes against what HR should be like and how it should operate. That’s why you don’t want to set any precedents.

Also, getting too close to someone in HR can backfire on you. You might think they are your friend, but they will always choose their job over you when push comes to shove.

They might be your friends, but are you sending them a paycheck every Friday? No, you’re not; and they will always choose to be able to eat over helping you.

Being too cozy with someone in HR is a trap! You might reveal confidential information that can come back to bite you when you least expect it.

Seeking Support Outside of HR

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If you can’t resolve the conflict with your coworker directly, you might want to consider seeking support outside the company.

This isn’t always necessary, and it does depend on the situation. However, someone who is not part of the company will not be biased like HR is, and they can truly be on your side.

The exact person you should seek support from will depend on the situation.

For example, if you are facing assault, physical abuse, or sexual harassment, you might want to contact both the police and a lawyer. A lawyer can communicate with the company on your behalf and ensure you get a desired resolution; otherwise, they can take the company to court and sue it on your behalf.

Meanwhile, the police can investigate and charge perpetrators of assault.

If you are not getting paid on time or otherwise not receiving the benefits you are entitled to, you might want to consider reaching out to the labor board. The labor board can investigate such complaints.

The labor board can enforce other labor laws, such as ensuring you get paid for overtime, get paid minimum wage, payroll is being tracked correctly, and the employer is providing insurance as required by law.

Learn about the process here; note that you can also contact your state’s labor board. For example, California has a Labor Enforcement Task Force for such issues.

For things such as workplace hazards or discrimination, there may be other state boards and federal task forces that take care of them. For example, the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission can help in cases of discrimination based on race, disability, gender, ethnicity, age, etc.

One thing to keep in mind is that once you complain to the labor board, management is probably not going to like you that much. However, they should not be able to fire you for that, as that is considered wrongful termination.

Nevertheless, even if they don’t take the step of retaliatory discharge, they can make your life difficult in other ways. They will try to get you to quit instead of firing you, which is also beneficial for them, as they won’t be held responsible for compensation packages.

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For other things, you can turn to your support network outside the company. A friend might lend an ear as you vent about your workplace experiences and provide helpful advice – especially if they work in the same industry or have experience dealing with such situations.

Even if they don’t, being able to get all of that off your chest is often a huge relief.

You can also talk with a therapist or your mentor.

I also want to mention that you shouldn’t discount escalating things beyond HR when necessary. If a matter is truly aggravating you and HR is not doing enough, you may be able to take things to the higher-ups.

You can start with the head of HR if your current contact in HR is not doing anything about the situation. But you can also escalate things with upper management, as they can tell HR to start doing their job.

Always, always document every interaction you have with HR. That will help you prove a legal case, and it will also help you file a complaint to the labor board or other task forces once it comes time to do so (which is when both HR and upper management don’t do anything about your complaint).

Conclusion

To summarize, HR is definitely not your friend. They’re not there to protect you, but rather to protect the company and ensure it doesn’t get into legal quicksand.

That’s why it will always side with the company and its best interests.

When dealing with HR, always ensure you document everything you say. Be careful not to disclose anything that can be used against you, even if your contact at HR is your supposed friend.

Finally, don’t be afraid to reach out to people outside the organization to get help.